...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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