"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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