Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
