This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
