i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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