What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
