I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
