people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
