i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
