i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
