I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
