Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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