butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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