the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
