Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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