somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We are all done wearing pants today
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
