So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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