therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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