a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
