Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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