Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
