I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
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