Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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