Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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