Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
