it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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