Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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