After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
