Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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