New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
