Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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