Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
