More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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