I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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