I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
