Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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