I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
