At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
