i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
