I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
