So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
