about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
