Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
