I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
