I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
