Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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