Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
