When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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