Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
