My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
