"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
