Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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