and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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