Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
