Screwed.edu
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
