R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
