I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
