I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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