It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
