Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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