im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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