Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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