Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
