I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
