so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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