I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
