her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
