Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
