shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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