one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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