are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
