Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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