my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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