In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize