Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
