A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
