i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
